New moves.

So, I'm all moved in.

Mostly.

I just have some clothes to bring.. but now I need to organize a ton of stuff, which is no fun. My room is looking really pretty though. I need to go to Ikea and figure out what kind of little wall shelves I want. Guess that depends on whether I put a wall decal behind my bed. I have these pretty little lamps I got from there.. they're little frosted globes with white cherry blossoms all over them. It goes well with the white/minty seafoam theme of my room. I wish I had more outlets. 2 is not enough for such a big room.

Yeah, I owe the guys. Chip and his brother Matt helped move a lot of the stuff, then Dave came over and helped with the rest. Really owe them.. I'd have been screwed without them here. Speaking of which, I'm still sitting in my bed at 2:40 p.m. Ugh, I wanted to get an early start, but this is the first day I've been able to actually sleep until waking, without worry of furniture. I DO need to get back to the parents place and grab clothes and such, and handle some bullshit financial aid stuff. What a mess. SallieMae sucks. Money sucks. Loans suck. I wish I were rich.

It hasn't really sunken in yet, about moving.. I guess it will after a week or so. I missed Rush and Lola last night. They both usually sleep with me. Diesel is usually in and out, but Lola sleep right behind me on her own pillow. It bummed me out when I woke up and she didn't meow in my face when my eyes opened. They'll be here soon enough.. gotta get everyone moved in first.

Called Bradlee up a little while ago to wish him luck on the bar. Ugh, I do not envy him at all the next 3 days.. but I think he'll be able to pull it off. Somehow he always skates through things okay. I'm trying to stay positive, because I don't think he's feeling too great about it all. I don't blame him, I was the same was with my Orgo tests, and somehow came out of it. Anyway, that's gonna be on my mind a little.

Life has gone all over the damn place lately. I feel so scattered between 2 states. My job has been so so lately. I used to love it a lot, but lately the money has been kinda crappy, and the heat is really getting to me. It's hard to work outside in this kind of weather. I feel bad for landscapers and construction people.

I really should go get ready to go to Jersey, I have so much to do.. plus, there's food there. There is currently won ton soup, a slice of pizza, and cupcakes. Yeah. Not healthy.

Holy crap, a bunch of people just walked into my house.. landlord forgot to tell me the electrician, his partner, his nephew, and her Mom were gonna be coming today. Scared the shit out of me. Guess I'm staying here for a while..

winwinwin

Holy crap, moving is stressful. Worse yet, having a never ending sinus infection. I have this dry hack that just won't quit for like 5 days. Ugh.

Anyway, painting is going well.. livingroom and diningroom are both painted, minus the crown molding and the top trim of the livingroom (11' ceilings, short Steph). I think the hardest part of all of this is going through all of my old apartment stuff and figuring out where to put it. I didn't realize how much crap I have. It's overwhelming.. I have like 15 pots and pans alone.. and that doesn't include the 9 different sizes of frying pans! What can I say, I love to cook. My biggest issue is there isn't any closets.. and there really isn't a SPOT for any constructable closets.. although I may have just had an idea.. I'll type it here so I don't forget, so this won't make sense.

Ikea Pantry standalone, dining room, across from aquarium.

Yeah, so anyway. Moving = nuts. I need to find men to move my stuff into the window.

To be continueddddd.....

change is in the air

this is the first time.. in my life.. I've been completely scared out of my mind by everything in my life.

I've never handled change well.. that would be the first thing my Mom would tell you if asked. So much has changed and continues to change in my life so quickly.. I just wish I could pull back on the reigns and slow it down a little. It's all coming at once.

I'm having one of those nights, where I examine myself really closely while listening to music that keeps me on the verge of tears. Why? Because I haven't cried.. I know I need to, and I want to, but I just can't. Even at Gina's viewing earlier tonight, I teared up a little, but I just couldn't cry.

I.. have always let a man define me. Even throughout the times I've been single, I always had a crush, or was dating someone sort of.. and right now, I am so flustered by moving, and school, and turning 25.. it's the first time in my life that I truly want no one right now. Sure, I will always have feelings for certain people (yes, plural) but I truly have no time for anyone right now, and that frightens and confuses me. Why? Because I've never had time in my life where I wasn't at least crushing on someone. Right now, as lonely as I am, I'm trying to avoid letting a man define who I am, and I'm trying to focus on me.. but I'll tell you what, I am so lonesome.

I'm tired of being the other woman. I want to be THE woman.. but I want to be that woman to a man who holds my interest for more than 2 weeks.. or isn't emotionally reserved. I just can't mentally cope with this anymore. I wanna be done with this game.. I don't want to date anymore. I've had enough. At what point do I get my happily ever after?