questionable dance methods

So Isl and Jhn put a lot into hands and knees this time.. more so than ever before because they changed the location and the normal date.. barbary, saturday, not mroom, friday.. they got lasers, and doubled the sound system, hired shot girls.. and here's the kicker.. they hired gogo dancers. Gay ones. Gay boys as Isl puts it. Al I could do was sit here and laugh and shake my head. These are two of the least gay men I know, and I can only imagine them picking out gay men to dance all over the god damn Barbary. THE BARBARY. Where people are already questionable.. hahahahahaha. It's ridiculous! I love it! I was just lying down in bed, chuckling.. almost uncontrollably at the thought.. so much so that I had to type this. Hands and Knees really is one of my favorite memories of my 20s so far.. and it just keeps getting even better. I can't wait to see what they did with the place. And as a side note, I better have a god damned laser ring on my finger tomorrow night. Let's see if Isl comes through on that.. not holding my breath. I think the man is completely burnt out.. his sentences aren't even making much sense the past 2 days.. but as a future note to self, he says coconut water helps cure hangovers. MUST TRY THIS.

Also, I need a new dress. I think I said that last night.. Ash, Cara, and I are going to KOP to get something to wear. Not that I have any money, but since I literally woke up one day and decided I hated my entire wardrobe and gave 80% of it away to good will and people, I kinda need to start rebuilding the collection.

I hope Cara is as impressed with h&k as Ash and I keep making it out to be.. granted, Tigerbeats is similar.. bur without the lasers, shot girls, gay men gogo dancers, loudness, and debauchery.. so, I guess it's not really the same at all.

God, I love me. I love my life right now. I just wish I had more money. Breaking up with the ex so I didn't destroy his life, and could regain a sense of sanity, and moving away from Jersey may have been the two best decisions I've made in years.. I really do feel like I started a new chapter of my life.. and the best part is, I have no idea where the hell it's going.. how exciting, right?! Now.. I really should focus on getting rid of this cough that I've had since the end of June.. oh, and sleep. I should do that first. Like, now.

Senor Cuervo, ouch.

Tonight was rough.

It started out with me taking a shower at my new place and having the shower curtain rod collapse on me. Guess the tiles don't like the tension rod.. so, that was the beginning.

I get to work, and all is well for a while.. most of the night actually.. did a bunch of shots, turned a bunch down.. and then one of my fellow bartenders got way too drunk, and everyone on my bar caught hell for it, even though the rest of us were FINE. So we all got our asses chewed out for someone else's incapacity to know their own limit. Awesome.

So I get back to my apartment to pick up my stuff before going back to Jersey (my bed isn't at the apt. yet) and I happen upon this plastic container with a bunch of stuff in it.. stuff I [thought I cleverly] hid from myself 2 years ago. Valentine's Day Card did me in. It was the most romantic thing I've read in so long.. in so few words, and I just lost it. I just bawled my eyes out without warning.. there were no sniffles, it was just an immediate Niagara Falls of tears. I don't know why we save this stuff.. is it to one day hope to look back and laugh.. or is it to look back and torture ourselves? I never knew he had the capacity to be that romantic.. especially in such few words. This was an hour ago, and my heart is still racing a little. Good thing my dog was here to wag his tail and be happy to see me when I got home, because I've been kind of a pathetic womanly mess since then. I wish I could stop feeling so bad for myself and just get the fuck over this, but for some reason, I just can't kick it. What.. the fuck. I have broken so many hearts without so much as a sideways glance backwards, yet, somehow.. I cannot kick this. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I've been informed that people apparently stalk my blog. Awesome. I didn't think anyone really knew about this. I never advertised it or anything.. I guess when people wanna find you, they really do their damnedest to find you.. either way, whatever. Hi, what's up. Enjoy the read.

So, I move in 2 days. I'm not ready.. not at all. My mind is so scattered.. I'm just not into this.. it's all working out so perfectly and smoothly for me.. but I'm just not finding myself excited about it. Actually, I'm finding that I'm more sad than anything.

This whole bipolar thing is doing me in like whoa this week.. I'm really excited about my health insurance.. now I can finally get medicine to specifically treat me, rather than just "making do" like I have been for the past 5 years. My life is changing so quickly.. and I feel like it's doing it without me, like I need to play catch up a little. Damn, I am really stressed the hell out.

Another random thought.. I need to stop breaking up with people before my birthday. It seems I always spend an asston of money for my boyfriend/whoever's birthday, and then something happens and I break up with them before my own. Someone needs to take me the hell out for my birthday.. maybe I'll just make Chip do it. Sigh. School needs to start so I can stop thinking about how lonely I am.. because I'm pathetic. Maybe I'll met a nice scientist.. or I'll fall madly in love with some hot doctor.. or.. I don't know. The greater good obviously has some sort of fucked up plan for me, so I might as well just roll with it.

I hope I don't get in more trouble for this blog.. apparently people get all bent out of shape when I write shit anymore.. thing is, I don't even know who is upset.. I just know someone hates me. Actually, I bet a lot of people hate me. That sucks. I don't like to be hated. I try to be peaceful with everyone.. but I guess you can't win them all.. especially the bitches who deserve to rot in hell. I think maybe this is the vodka talking now.. I had a bit of that tonight. More tequila than vodka, but vodka still existed somewhere in and amongst those 14 shots.

Holy shit, 14 shots.. I weight 112 pounds, why am I not obliterated?

I should go to bed now. Yeah.. here's hoping I don't get bitched at again.

Cheers, bitches.