The birds and the bees.. they are wise to the lies

It's late. I'm awake. Actually, for some people, this is early.. because it's half passed 5 in the morning.

I have this issue, where I feel completely apathetic about everything.. I almost just kinda expect things to not work out, so I always just go and make other plans at this point. That's kinda sad, right? I always have a backup, because I know what I REALLY want to do isn't going to happen. So weird. Weirrrd weird weird.

Anyway, I had an impromptu photoshoot with Izzy tonight because I looked really good (for a specific reason) and then after making myself look good, immediately knew that it was gonna be all for nothing, so I called her up and she took some pics of me, and her, Andy, and I all hung out and did our thing like we do. Prior to that, had dinner with the 'rents, picked up a few things, saw my very depressed dog, and then continued with the aforementioned.

Got home about 3:30 a.m. . was standing in my room with the door open and a pretty good looking bearded dude comes down Ash's steps in his boxers.. sees me, freezes, and stutters as to why he's standing in my doorway in his underwear. While it was an awkward situation, I think it was more so for him, and more just plain funny for me. So he ran into the bathroom and I immediately texted "WIN" to Ash, not knowing she was coming down the steps. She sees me, we both hear her phone go off (my text) and she says "Is that you texting me WIN?" HAHAHAHA amazing! YES, YES IT WAS! So bearded dude comes out and sorta slinks by me repeating that it was nice to meet me, over and over as he made his way back up her steps. Priceless. That's all win right there Ash, that's all win. At least one of us is getting something in this house tonight.

So, anyway, I should get to bed.. I have to start going to bed at a normal time.. hahaha.. funny. Me, normal time, right.

Oh, and as I side note.. I am so addicted to the song "The Mission" by Puscifer featuring Milla Jovovitch.. it's like pure sex to my eardrums. I must have more.

rock, out.

tick tock, tick tock..

I'm getting old.

Okay, not that old, but it's happening. I'm approaching 25 at light speed, and I'm freaking out.

I can remember lying in my bed, looking at the ceiling, sometime shortly after I had turned 23 and thinking "holy shit, in 2 years I'll be 25".. annnd well, THAT'S NOW.

It's bad enough that my metabolism has slowed a bit and it takes a little more to keep in shape, but the worst part is that it's popping up every where.. I pass a tanning place the other day and it says "Student Discount with Student ID!" and in fine print underneath it says "Must be 22 and Under". Well, fuck, I'm a student! I'm a damn good 3.5 GPA Super Hard Science Student, where's my skin cancer discount?! Then I go to the doctors recently and they say

"How old are you?"

"Oh, I'm 24"

"When will you be 25?"

"September."

"Oh great, then you can get your last free 24 and under routine chlamydia test! Perfect."

Right. Perfect, That's just what I said in my head. Just what I totally wanted to hear while lying in stirrups with my lady parts open to exposure.

Modeling casting calls are now geared more towards "18-24 year old women" so now I get to start lying about my age in order to get certain paid shoots. Awesome.

And as an added insult, every time I open facebook, someone has just given birth, gotten engaged/married, graduated, or started a new job in their career. Fuuuuck. Not that I wanna get married or have kids any time soon, but I feel like I might need to start seriously considering it since I'm no spring chicken. I know, I know, I'm not THAT old.. but let me wallow in self pity for a little bit, okay?

I'm just feeling really down on myself this past week. Money is tight (when is it not?), I'm looking for a place to live and coming up empty handed, and worried about how I'm going to afford it.. I just can't seem to catch a break. I love my job, but it hasn't picked up like everyone says it should, and the money isn't cutting it right now. I expected a whole lot more, but all I hear is "it was so different last year". DAMMIT. Why do I always go work at places AFTER they've hit their prime.. I never hear "wow, this is so much better than before". Really sucks.

I need to get a grip. This is ridiculous.