Rule #1, pretend you're not interested.

So, I'm having an issue.

I feel like I messed up again.. or.. something along those lines.

Allow me to bring you up to speed:

Met a guy, really [thought we] clicked, but may have just rushed into it all too fast.. and now it's gone from him saying "send me pics of you now" and "I'm showing you off to people" and "I miss you" to responding to anything cute or sweet that I say with a fucking smiley face. Shit.

Being a master at double talking, responding to weird compliments, or avoiding a topic, I know EXACTLY what he's doing.. it's an evasive move I've used since I grasped the power of the emoticon.. and as much as I hate quoting the book I read so many years ago, he's just not that into me [anymore]. Shit.

I'm actually really bummed out about this, but I'm trying to fight that whole emotion, because it's useless. I keep kicking myself for stuff and doing that whole "hind sight 20/20" thing.. god dammit, I am kicking myself. I feel like a god damn fool. I got played AGAIN. Shit.

So here I am again.. no further along than I was a month and a half ago.. actually, I think I may have taken a few steps back, because unlike with a few prior people I showed mild interest in, I actually began to let my guard down with this one. That's always when everything gets skewed. What a disappointment. Shit.

My only option now is to give up and move on.. but at this point, I think I'm just gonna leave the whole dating thing alone. I have no luck with it.. and I partially do that to myself because I'm so picky.. just fuck, I wish I hadn't started to actually let myself care. I know better than that.. what the hell was I thinking. Better yet, why wasn't I thinking? Shit.

Also, I'm aware that I've ended every paragraph with the word shit, and I'm okay with that, mostly because I've been saying that word all night.

So now, after fighting to have off for New Year's Eve, I am left with no plans, and no one to kiss at midnight. Yeah, yeah, people will say "Oooh, I'll volunteer to do it" but it just isn't the same as bringing in the new year with a kiss from someone you actually care about.

So on with it, time to be an uncaring, emotionless chick again for a while. Shit.